The Way She Feels: Natara's Secret
by diamondsintheroughhh
Summary: We normally know Natara as the smart, collected, and calm one, right? But it's even been mentioned in the game, after the first time Shawn supposedly died, that she simply wrapped up her emotions and kept them under lock and key. But what would happen if something was to say, trigger, the box of years of emotions? rated T, for dark themes, self-harm, and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Copyright: I do not own the song "The way she feels" by Between the Trees nor do I own Cause of death.**

**:)**

**Authors note; this may seem very OOC from the Natara that we know of normally. We normally know Natara as the smart, collected, and calm one, right? But it's even been mentioned in the game, after the first time Shawn supposedly died, that she simply wrapped up her emotions and kept them under lock and key. But what would happen if something was to say, trigger, the box of years of emotions? And what would happen if she had an unknown past, a past that only her mother and sister knew about when she was a teenager?**

**okay I'll shut up now, enjoy. :)**

_She's upset_

_Bad day_

_Heads for the dresser drawer to_

_Drive her pain away_

_Nothing good can come of this._

_She opens it there's nothing_

_There is only left over tears_

_Mom and dad had no right she screams_

_As the anger runs down both of her cheeks._

She hated him. She hated her father. Just when they repaired their broken relationship, they had another fight. And the worst part? Her mom took her dad's side. She had enough of this bull shit.

_Then she closed her eyes_

_Found relief in a knife_

_The blood flows as she cries_

She didn't want to start doing it again. She knew it was a hard addiction to give up, she still has a few scars on her fore arms, from when she had depression as a teen. very faded, no one could see them unless they knew to look for them and were literally an inch away from her arm, but they were still there. But her emotions got the best of her, and she squeezed her eyes shut and pressed the blade to her skin, as fresh blood poured out from the new wounds. She let hot tears roll down her cheeks, and she pressed the blade down harder in her rage.

_All alone the way she feels_

_Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief_

_Bite the lip, just forget the bleeding_

She felt to alone. The only real family she had was Neha, and Neha wasn't even nearby. She always has Mal, but he's her best friend and doesn't even know about her old habits. And she wasn't sure if she wanted him to know.

_Then she closed her eyes_

_Found relief in a knife_

_The blood flows as she cries_

_Woah, oh_

_Then she closed her eyes_

_Found relief in a knife_

_The blood flows as she cries_

Once again her mind goes back to the argument she had with her Father, just hours before. And just when she thought her rage was gone, it came back, 10 X worse. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, and for a quick second she let go of the knife and read the text. She had received five text messages from Mal. Mal knew Nat and her dad had a fight, and Mal being Mal, was of course worried about her emotional state. The latest text was sent three minutes ago, " I'm on my way over whether you like it or not, I need to make sure you're all right, you seemed really upset at work. I'll be there in ten minutes. -Mal F."

Natara paused for a moment, but then the rage grew inside of her and she grabbed the knife again and pressed down on her wrist. Then she looked over and saw a picture of herself, Neha, her mom, and HIM. In a final fit of rage, she grabbed the picture and threw it against the wall, smashing it.

_Curled up she's on the floor_

_Relief left her she had hoped for something more_

_From it (hoped for something more)_

_From it_

Exhausted, upset, and totally emotional, Natara collapses onto the floor. In the back of her mind, she hears a door opening. And here's Mal's beautiful voice.

_He leans down to comfort her_

_She is weeping and He_

_Wraps His arms around_

_And around and around and..._

_[2x]_

_The deeper you cut_

_The deeper I hurt_

_The deeper you cut_

_It only gets worse_

_Gets worse_

Her eyes are squeezed shut, she didn't want Mal to see her like this. She thought he would hate her. Or think she's mentally unstable or something. Or he might just yell at her for being stupid. But he surprised her. She felt his strong arms wrapping around her, felt him lean close to her, and whisper in her ear, " Please don't. Please. Natara, I love you, and the deeper you cut, the deeper I hurt. It hurts me because I feel like it's my fault you have so many mixed up emotions that you need to let out but I never let you. Please don't cut, because the deeper you cut, it will only get worse. I love you, Please stop. Please let go of the knife."

_Now she's slowly opening..._

_Yeah she's slowly opening_

_New eyes..._

Something in his voice made her realize the sincerity and the complete honesty and love behind it. He meant it. He loved her. And she loves him too, he just never knew.

_She opened her eyes_

_And found relief in His life_

_And put down her knives_

Slowly, she opened her eyes, and looked up into Mal's deep cerulean eyes. And whispered back, " I love you, too." And when he smiled at her, she slowly let go of her blood stained knife.

_She opened her life_

_And found relief through His eyes_

_And put down_

_She put down her knife_

Now they've been dating for 4 months and three days. and they've been engaged for a week and two days. Whenever she feels upset, she just thinks about Mal, not the knife, and it helps her, more than that wicked knife ever will.

The End!

**Endnote: I was taking a huge risk into posting this, because it might hit close to home to some people, ( including myself.) Cutting isn't the answer, no matter how depressed or upset you're feeling, believe me when I say, it's not worth it. Find something or someone to turn to instead of the knife, because believe me, it works. :)**

**Sorry for any Typos, grammar errors, ect. I just typed this on my iPhone and I legit just typed this whole thing up in 10 minutes. yay? new record?**

**Please Please Please review with a cherry on top?**

**-Diamond**


	2. Chapter 2

**hey everybody, I'm on my cell so I can't read the reviews, but I wanted to thank all of you for the great reviews!**

**Also, merry Christmas, happyHannukah, and kwanza, and have a joyful,prosperous new year! Love you all!**


	3. Chapter 3

heyyyy everybodyyyy

sorry, haven't updated in a LONG TIME.

But thanks for the reviews!


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